Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
