I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
