Just fell off a train. Bad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
