I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
