Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
