Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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