Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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