margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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