i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
