Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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