Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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