U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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