i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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