I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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