Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
