A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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