I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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