i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
