my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
