i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
