I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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