can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
