When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Couch. On fire.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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