i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
