when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
