My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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