it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
