he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
