I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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