When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
