Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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