ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
