I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
