He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
