Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
