Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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