i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
