would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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