Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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