Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
