I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
