Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
These tits shall not be calmed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
