you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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