I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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