he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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