why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
