i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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