paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
