Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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