The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
