just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
