I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
