he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
