My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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