And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
