Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
