Define "chronic" masturbator.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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