Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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