Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
