What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
